Mx. Luna Corbden<p>There's a certain kind of judgement that comes in high-demand religious circles. </p><p>It's the "I *could* judge... that would be totally warranted in this situation. But I'm such a good person that I won't. In fact, I may even be better than the people who DO judge this person."</p><p>Context: My reflections on my own inner world when I was still LDS looking at women still unmarried by age 24. Then I became that (divorced) unmarried late-20s person. I stopped judging so much after that.</p><p>This happens with hardly a conscious word. Just automatic. And usually there's some reason to make the exception. "But I *like* them." Or, "But they're so smart/pretty/such a sweet spirit."</p><p>This comes from the juxtaposition of several manipulation techniques: Particularly Elitism, Demand for Purity, and Us v Them. Anyone following the commandments is extra special, righteous, beloved by God and the community. So we all want to be that. But it's incredibly difficult to be that – in fact, it's impossible, because Demand for Purity makes you perpetually inadequate. The best you can really hope for is to *seem* righteous. And you're highly motivated to do so, because the converse of being extra righteous is being wicked, sinful, depraved, worldly. No in-betweens, thanks to Polarized Thinking (aka Black and White Thinking).</p><p>The result is that you can only feel righteous in comparison with others. So even though God said not to judge, you can't help it. (This trap is called a Double Bind.)</p><p>So you find yourself judging, it feels much better than the alternative (judging yourself), but now you're breaking a commandment not to judge. So you stop judging and feel like the great person that you so totally are... way better than those judgy-two-shoes!</p><p>What a mess!</p><p><a href="https://defcon.social/tags/exmo" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>exmo</span></a> <a href="https://defcon.social/tags/exmormon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>exmormon</span></a> <a href="https://defcon.social/tags/AbuseCulture" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>AbuseCulture</span></a> <a href="https://defcon.social/tags/ReligiousTrauma" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>ReligiousTrauma</span></a> <a href="https://defcon.social/tags/LDS" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>LDS</span></a> <a href="https://defcon.social/tags/Mormon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>Mormon</span></a> <a href="https://defcon.social/tags/MindControl" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>MindControl</span></a></p>